Oh No She Didn't: Anna Wintour

Michelle was drop dead gorgeous in Alexander McQueen.

All the guests were dressed in the finest designer gowns and tuxes.
That is everyone except for Vogue's Editor in Chief, Anna Wintour...
Although the Chanel shift dress is cute, it's not the type of dress says, "I'm at the White House mingling with the world's most powerful people." 

The dress would be more appropriate at a luncheon with someone who might appreciate zig-zags...
....or perhaps attending a fashion award ceremony.
Wait a minute...Ms.Wintour already wore that dress to the 7th annual CFDA Awards?!

This, coming from the same lady who organized Fashion's Night Out to push sales for the fashion community.

How dare she wear the same outfit twice to two highly publicized events.
Why don't you practice what you preach and buy a new dress for fashion's sake.
Apparently, this cheapskate is known for recycling outfits.  
 Tsk, tsk.

Anyways, the fact of the matter is that Anna was completely underdressed. She might as well repeated her favorite outfit from the 90s- a metallic latex leotard and a green, pleated kilt.
I'm sure Ms.Wintour would defend her slapdash dressing by claiming, "I wasn't underdressed, everyone else was overdressed." Michelle must be soooo embarrassed.

Maybe it was a good thing she didn't wear a gown. We all remember (and want to forget) that one time she decided to dress up and strayed away from the classic shift dress she's known for wearing.
Yikes. (Please refer to this post for more insight on this gown)

I think Anna could do with a "What To Wear To The White House State Dinner" article in the next issue of Vogue. 
I'm in the giving mood, Anna, so here's something to work off of (free of charge):   
I think Anna Wintour would have something to say if she read this post and it would go a little something like this...


Dreams/Nightmares Become Reality

Last night I had the strangest dream, I was front row at a fashion show and men in bearded skull caps came out and were dancing in nothing but manties.
What's that you say....this wasn't a dream? 
Frankie Morello actually opened his fall 2011menswear show with nearly naked men in faux beards and manties doing a little ballet number (note the super cute/manly ballet slippers).
Throughout the show these men were tumbling into boxes, hiding in boxes, and standing on boxes.
Pretty much anything that could be done with a box they were doing. 
  Watch out behind you!!! Mantie man is about to pounce!  

It looked more like an ill choreographed gymboree session than a fashion show.  

After watching the show, I was slightly horrified and a tad amused.
My only question is what is the ungodly price of humiliation these models/dancers were paid?


Endangered Species: The Fashion Beast

Bridget Foley of WWD recently wrote an article "Is Fashion An Endangered Species?"
I can't read the article since I don't have a subscription to WWD but I found the title itself quite intriguing. I now will present to you what one would assume the article was about...

As the title preludes, fashion is indeed a living species. 
Legend has it that this species, known as fashion beasts, are a half human half lion hybrid. 
They are raised to learn the difference between the mode (fashionable) and the demode (unfashionable).
In their pubescent years they scour the streets to prey upon the demode ones in order to keep the delicate fashion ecosystem balanced.

In adulthood, they move from the streets to the runways.

 But why are fashion beasts becoming endangered?
Sadly, the fashion beast community has been threatened by imposters. These imposters seek the elite status of true fashion beasts. This has resulted in innocent fashion beasts slaughtered by their imposters.
A lion wearing a wig= not a fashion beast

A girl wearing a lion head= not a fashion beast. And absolutely no true fashion beast would be caught dead wearing a tiny top hat.

Due to the decreasing number of fashion beasts, the demode population is running rampant with no one to stop them.


Courtney Love

Amy Winehouse

Nicki Minaj

Something has to be done to keep balance in the fashion ecosystem. I don't think I can handle seeing any more assless glitter pants.

On another note, if there is anyone who was actually able to read the article "Is Fashion An Endangered Species?" I would love to know how close my post was to the article.


Prada Marfa: "If You Build It, They Will Come"

October 2005 may seem like light years ago but who can forget the grand opening of the mysterious Prada Marfa.
The creators claimed it to be an "art installation."  The "store" has 20 left shoes and 6 handbags on display, no doors or entries, and is located miles upon miles away from any form of civilization.

Some call it a cruel mirage, others call it dumb...

Many believe it is a trap set by aliens. The most logical of all explanations if you ask me. It makes total sense...
  Prada Marfa draws fashion lovers out to the middle of a nowhere, Texas- prime abduction location... NO WITNESSES!
There has even been evidence of extraterrestrial activity. Unexplained floating orbs in the night sky in Marfa,Texas have been spotted so frequently they dubbed the phenomenon "Marfa Lights."
 Who, you may be thinking, is the alien mastermind behind this trap?
That's right Miuccia Prada, herself! 
Miuccia's uncanny resemblance to a Klingon (she obviously shaved down those forehead bumps and tamed the eyebrows) wasn't the only thing that tipped me off to her intergalactic origin. 

How else can you explain her strange obsession with star prints in the Miu Miu Spring 2011 Collection:
Paying homage to the motherland, perhaps?
These prints look familiar, right? That's because this exact star print was first debuted during Miu Miu's Spring 2006 Collection- just one day before she opened her alien abduction facility, Prada Marfa.
Coincidence? I think not.

Why would Miuccia abduct these innocent fashion-loving stopper-bys?
Abduction seems to be the only way to brainwash women into wearing these delightfully tacky star prints.


CAUTION: If you see a lone Prada "store" hanging out by the side of a desolate highway and orbs of light floating above it do not stop, DRIVE FASTER!


Obama's Flip Flop Scandal: The World Wide Effect

The pressure of presidency has really made Obama go wild. He has recently made history by being the first president to flaunt his naked toes in PUBLIC! 
Who can take this world leader seriously now that we know what his feet look like. What else can we expect from this Hawaii native... a SPEEDO??
Don't you know the rules set by your predecessors, Obama? You must wear your dress shoes at all times, even when frolicking by the sea side like Nixon.
Obama's lackadaisical approach to  footwear has had an incredible effect on other world leader's footwear choices...
Former President Bush has been spotted in Crocs.
At least he managed to keep it classy with socks yielding the presidential emblem.
French President, Nicolas Sarkozy, has also taken the more relaxed approach to footwear.
Sarkozy was seen out and about yesterday showing off his favorite pairs of UGG's. 

Even, North Korean leader, Kim Jong-Il has followed suit!
Kim was seen sporting the super hot Snooki Slipper. He is a huge Jersey Shore fan and an avid fist pumper.

The point is Obama has to understand the power he has over other world leader's fashion choices. 
I beg you, Mr. President, whatever you do, please do not to wear a Speedo to the beach. There are just some world leaders I'd rather not see following that trend. 


Fashion Fights Back

The fashion world has become a lot more physical recently...
And I don't mean that Olivia Newton John cutesy type of physical. I mean the fiesty, fist fighting type of physical.
I stumbled across an article about fashion feuds and was disappointed at what I discovered. Either us mode one's were being smashed in the skull by Hollywood bullies or  we were the ones displaying pathetic acts of violence via cell phone.  
24 star, Kiefer Sutherland, plays out his TV show 's ass kicking role in real life and headbutts harmless Proenza Schouler co-founder, Jack McCollough.

That's like a burly buffalo headbutting a baby chick.

Top model, Naomi Campbell, assaults her housekeeper with a cellphone.
Naomi defends her actions by claiming she thought the housekeeper might have stolen her jeans. Really, Naomi? You couldn't come up with a better story?? I mean we are talking about the same creative genius who thought of using her cell phone as a punishment device.
Tommy Hilfiger slugged Gun's 'n Roses' front man, Axl Rose, in order to defend his brother's honor. At least that is a more justifiable reason to fight (besides who wouldn't want to pummel a guy who wear's outfits like Axl). BUT Hilfiger got out of this one lucky... yeah, he beat up a guy named Rose but could he win a fight against his friend, Guns?
Unfortunately, we can't all just hope to luck out like Tommy did.  When are we fashionistas going to man up and learn how to fight? Well the answer is we aren't. We will never be as tough as those head butting Hollywood psychos. BUT there is something we can do about our lack of muscles and fighting capabilities...

Luckily, we have some friends on our side... killer accessories. Crime fighting deterring never looked so sexy.

Scary Shoes:

Madonna will scare any potential predators in these Chanel pistol pumps. 
Rihanna has the right idea with these Dsquared2 brass knuckle boots.

Bone Chilling Clutches:
Alexander McQueen brass knuckle cluth, Burberry Prorsum spikey clutch

Gloves that pack a punch:
Givenchy studded gloves, Phillip Lim studded glove
Try wearing Chanel pistols pumps and Givenchy studded gloves with an Alexander McQueen brass knuckle clutch by your side. I guarantee no one, not even Naomi, will mess with you.